My Bloody Valentine 3D

One more D than 2!

The last 3D movie I saw was, I think, Captain Eo. That was cool. It starred Michael Jackson who danced and sang with a cast of lovable muppet-type characters. I also vaugely recall R2D2 and possibly Yoda being involved, but there's a good chance I'm just combining a bunch of my early sci-fi experiences into one all-encompassing memory.

Anyway, My Bloody Valentine 3D kicks off a new round of gimmicky cinema. And what a way to start! (I'm not sure if that is meant to sound sarcastic.)

An explosion at the Hanniger Mine traps a group of miners underground. In order to save his own life, one of the trapped, Harry Warden, kills his workmates with his pickaxe. After his rescue, Harry is taken to hospital in a coma. He wakes up and kills the crap out of everyone on his ward before returning to the mine. A group of twenty-somethings are having a Valentine's party at the mine, but their good time is disrupted by Harry's arrival. Harry kills some more and is eventually shot and chased down.

Ten years after the killings, the survivors are getting on with life. Then Ted Hanniger, son of the deceased mine owner, arrives in town after a decade of absence. Round that same time people start dying again, and it seems that Harry Warden is back too. What follows is a gory murder spree punctuated by moments of profound stupidity.

The first My Bloody Valentine was Canadian and made in 2D in 1981. A victim of its own success, 9 minutes were cut out of the original movie because it was too violent. The 3D remake is extremely violent, the camera doesn't shy away from full-on impalement, and the murder set pieces are brutal, suggesting horrible and torturous deaths. But what the first movie lost in blood and guts, it made up for it in story. The original killer strikes without prejudice, killing with impunity. The remade killer has an agenda, one that actually makes little sense in the end. Furthermore, the straightforward plot of the 80s version is twisted and mutated into a convoluted and, at times, tedious series of events. Also, it's full of holes.

It's been a while since I watched a movie in the theatres. I truly believe there are some films that need a big screen, and this is one of them. In spite of the bad movie that underlies the fancy effects, the gore and the violence are really well done. And welcome. In a time when most new Hollywood horror releases are PG13, something like My Bloody Valentine 3D, though it relies heavily on its gimmick and is kind of terrible, is still an R.

I've come a long way from my Captain Eo days, but maybe not as far as I like to think. Complain though I might about the state of mainstream horror, I'll admit I really wanted to see MBV because of the 3D. However, that being said, I'm glad I went to a matinee and didn't pay full price.